


Shrug It Off

by HonestCannibal



Category: Assassin's Creed, Prototype (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, College AU, M/M, Mental Illness, Schizophrenia, general mental health issues, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-02-22 17:57:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2516714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonestCannibal/pseuds/HonestCannibal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Mercer's not so average, neither is his best friend. But when his friend leaves and Desmond comes along, Alex will either have to breakdown or shrug it off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeey so I'm now into writing Protocreed fanfictions! I've been writing this for a while now, but it's still a work in progress. It's gonna be about 15,000 words long. Hopefully!
> 
> So yeah, enjoy and please take notice of the warnings!

_Beep beep beep beep_

Alex's hand smacked the alarm clock about forty times before he sighed irritably, allowing his arm to slip from the bedside table and hang from the bed, fingers brushing the soft carpet.

It was the same routine; wake up, rip himself from the comfort of his bed, shower if he had time and slouch on any clothes he could find. He looked over to the other bed on the far side of the room and walked over to it, grabbing a handful of the covers and ripping them off the sleeping form of his roommate, Jack.

"What the fuck?!" His roommate yelled, bolting up from his laying position. Alex grinned.

"Time to wake up." He said mockingly soft.

"You utter prick." Jack flipped him the finger and ripped the covers from Alex's hands.

"You don't want to be late for your first lesson." Alex tried to pry the covers back from Jack as the other tried to roll himself back up in them.

"I'm not going to lessons today." Jack mumbled, smothered by his duvet.

Alex paused, "why not? Are you sick?"

"Just go to your lesson." Jack mumbled again, hiding his head under his pillow. Alex stared at him for a moment, blinking in surprise at the sudden attitude from his best friend. Then he left, knowing Jack would just get irritated with him standing by the edge of his bed when he's trying to sleep.

As Alex was walking to Chemistry, his first lesson, he couldn't help but worry about his friend. Worry wasn't something Alex was familiar with – mostly because he never had anything to worry about. He was usually cool, calm and collected, going with the flow and taking whatever life threw at him. There were his bad days, but everybody had those.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the familiar sound of a certain cretin that roamed the college corridors, waiting for him. "Alex!" He turned his head slightly to see Maria Thorpe in her glory, smile gleaming at him. She waved and turned back to her friends, leaving Alex in the eyes of the entire corridor. Everybody stared, all the time, but especially so when Maria would call after him and sometimes even try and hug him. That was when he drew the line.

Maria Thorpe was nothing but trouble. She was a nice girl and no doubt attractive, but she was the ex-girlfriend of a certain Auditoré and that was a family you did not mess with. He continued down the corridor to Chemistry, where he stayed out of sight and out of mind but still did his work, took notes on everything he could and made sure to hand his essay in at the end of class.

The essay was optional but he did it anyway.

He was heading back to his dorm for a break when a hand grabbed his arm. He recoiled immediately, spinning around to see only his sister, Dana, standing behind him with a frown on her face.

"What the hell?" She asked, "no wonder you have no friends, if that's how you say hi to them every day."

Alex sighed and straightened, "I'm sorry. I told you not to sneak up on me."

"Whatever." She shrugged, "did you hear about-"

"Yes, Professor Cross is asking for volunteers to work with him at Gentek over the summer."

"Are you going to-"

"No." Alex deadpanned. It was really none of her business either way. The only reason she wanted to know was because she wanted something else to fill her useless college 'newspaper' with.

She was head of the college 'newspaper' because of her 'natural' habit of sticking her nose into gossip and writing about it.

Dana looked taken back, "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. Can I go now?" He replied, moving away slightly so he could leave quicker. It's not that he didn't like talking to his sister, it's just that he didn't really like talking to anybody. Apart from Jack.

"What's wrong with you?" Dana asked, pulling him away from the crowds of people in the courtyard.

"Nothing." Alex pulled his arm from her iron grip and smiled the best he could. "I'm fine."

Dana looked far from convinced. What the hell was he supposed to say? He was fine. He felt fine. He felt like he always did, just maybe a little more distracted because of Jack. He shrugged and began to walk away, ignoring her when she called after him.

Due to Dana's little interrogation, Alex didn't have time to get back to his dorm and rest up for his next lesson. He was going on 3 hours sleep for Christ's sake, he needed a nap for something to deal with the rest of the day. There were just too many people around him for him to feel comfortable, so he always went back to his room in between lessons. And to see Jack.

He wasn't obsessed with his best friend, perhaps just a little bit clingy. He and Jack were so unbelievably close. The moment Jack turned up outside his dorm room with a duffel bag, Alex felt a spark. Alex had never felt so close to someone, not even Dana.

Not even his own mother.

Alex irritably ducked into his next class and sat at the back of the lecture hall, getting the books that he needed out of his backpack and setting them on the desk. His lecturer turned up shortly afterwards, looking surprised to see a student already in his class, but said nothing nonetheless. Alex wasn't bothered, he wasn't in the mood for talking anyway.

The class dragged on, the ticking of the clock driving Alex a tiny bit insane. He tried to keep his breathing in tact, as always. There were just too many people. At least there were none behind him so he could act like he didn't exist, all alone, as always. Until his lecturer called his name from a piece of paper and all eyes turned to him. He swallowed hard.

"Mr. Mercer, what does this line mean?" He underlined the written line on the board.  _For where thou art, there is the world itself, with every several pleasure in the world, and where thou art not, desolation._

Alex tried to not let the eyes on him stop him from being the smartass he was. He cleared his throat, "it means that she is his world. Wherever she is, everything is perfect, but wherever she isn't, desolation."

"Nicely done." His professor looked pleased. The wrinkles on his face creased when a genuine smile appeared on his features.

Alex leaned back when all the eyes turned back to the front of the class. He breathed in deeply and regained his 'cool'. God he hated it when teachers did that to him. Singled him out, pointed to him so the whole class could stare. As if they didn't stare enough.

After his class, he rushed out of class for his free period to head for his desperately needed alone time. Unfortunately, he was stupid enough to not look where he was going as he walked out into the courtyard and walked straight into someone, knocking both his own and their books out onto the ground. Alex sighed and muttered a sorry, bending down to pick his books up.

"It's fine, dude." The other person bent down too. It was a boy Alex noticed when he stood back up. Obviously the same age as Alex, same build if not a little bit less scrawny and more muscular. A smile was on his face as he stood back up, handing Alex one of his books that he'd accidentally picked up. Then Ezio Auditoré was suddenly beside him, glaring at Alex.

"Who is this?" Ezio asked, "is he bothering you?"

"No, it's fine." The boy smiled awkwardly, patting Ezio on the shoulder.

Alex held his breath when Ezio's brother, Altair turned up, looming over Alex. His hazel eyes bored into him, glowing underneath his hood. "He's bothering me."

Now Alex was expecting to get the shit kicked out of him. Altair despised him. Not because of anything Alex has done – a logical reason to hate someone – but because Maria wanted Alex more than she wanted Altair. So basically, Alex was reason they were no longer together.

"I'm not- I didn't mean to-" Alex trailed off, trying not to make eye contact with Altair and anger him. He was like a dog in that sense. You never made eye contact with an Auditoré.

"Look at him, stuttering. He speaks worse English than me!" Ezio laughed, pulling Altair back. "Come brother, leave him. Let us finish showing Desmond around."

Altair sneered at Alex, following behind Ezio and that Desmond guy. Alex didn't even glance their way, he just kept walking forward. Dying wasn't on his list of things to do today. It really wasn't fair that he was on bad terms with the most notorious family in the college just because of some girl he didn't even remotely like.

Finally, Alex got back to his dorm. He darted up the stairs, turned down the hallway, avoided any form of eye contact or conversation and ducked into his room. His roommate was standing in the middle of the room, clutching a duffel bag and staring at him with his dark, piercing eyes.

"What's going on?" Alex asked, eyes narrowing on the duffel bag. He felt himself begin to panic. Jack was the only friend he had and the only person he could talk to. If Jack left, Alex would have no one. Again.

"I did something bad." His roommate replied, staring at him still.

"What?" Alex asked again, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion.

"I killed someone, Alex."

Alex was silent, the cogs turning in his head at a violently slow pace. "What the hell are you talking about?" He finally said, dropping his backpack on the floor. It didn't surprise him as much as it should have. He didn't know why.

There was a crack of laughter and Jack had slouched over, holding his side. "You fuckin' fell for it." He laughed, "I can't believe you fuckin' believed me."

"Oh, fuck you." Alex hissed, snatching up his bag and throwing it on his bed.

"C'mon Alex, I was just messin' around." Jack wiped a tear from his eye and sniffed. "Got to admit, it was pretty funny."

"It wasn't. If you're leaving, just fucking go." Alex muttered, falling onto his bed and shoving his head under the pillow.

"What's rattled your cage?" Jack asked, genuine confusion in his voice. Alex didn't answer and Jack sat on the bed next to him, putting a hand on his back. "You're upset that I'm leaving."

Alex scoffed but didn't bother denying it. Jack sighed, "look, something's come up. My mom's sick and I need to be there for her. I'll be back, I swear."

"You were just going to leave without telling me?" Alex's voice was muffled by the mattress. He felt Jack's eyes on him, boring into the pillow over his head.

"I didn't think it was a big deal. Guess it is."

"You hate your mom." Alex replied, lifting the pillow off his head so he could sit up and frown.

"She's my family." Jack sniffed again, itching his nose. "Anyway, I'm not going to leave forever. No need to be so fuckin' dramatic."

"Shut up." Alex felt a smile tug at his lips and he looked down.

A heavy silence filled the room before Jack grabbed Alex's head with both his hands and turned it towards him, "You got my number. If anyone fucks with you, you text me and I'll be here quicker than you can say...Um..." He trailed off, looking away for a moment. "Faster than you can say my name." He finished, looking at Alex with that big, stupid grin. Alex pushed Jack's hands away from his head.

"Right." He let out a breath. It was supposed to be a laugh but he didn't have it in him. He was going to be alone.

"Alex." Jack's voice was firm. Alex turned and saw that Jack was centimeters from him.

Alex could smell his aftershave, he could feel the black hair mingle with his own brunette hair and his face heated up a fraction. Jack's green eyes had darkened and there was something there that Alex couldn't figure out. "Scare them. They'll leave you alone if you scare them."

"Wha-"

Jack stood up, grinning from ear to ear. "I gotta go. See ya later." He grabbed his duffel bag and walked out. Alex sat there, stunned. He realised he hadn't let himself breathe so he inhaled deeply, still staring at the door.  _What the fuck_.

Scare them? How? Thoughts were running through his mind as he just sat there. It dawned on him that Jack was now gone and he was alone. He had no one. Jack wasn't gone forever, but damn would every day feel like that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insert Desmond.jpeg

A week had gone by without Jack and Alex was counting the hours. His sleepless nights got worse when he tossed and turned, waiting for a dumb question to sound out from the other side of the room.

" _Is it possible to have half a hole? Like, a hole in the ground."_

" _Do you ever realise that your name is just a vibration?"_

" _Does it ever weird you out when someone says 'jack off'? It weirds me out."_

"Shut the fuck up." Alex said aloud, chuckling to himself. He turned over to look at the clock. It was one of  _those_ nights. He'd slept for about 3 hours, which wasn't bad. He could try and get another 2 in, but that seemed impossible. His brain wasn't switching off, it decided now was a great time to throw memories and questions at him. 4am on a Sunday and he was laying in bed, debating how his life got the way it was.

He was in college, getting some of the best education he could ever ask for. His mom made sure he got into a remotely decent place. Not for his benefit, just so she could brag to her friends about it. Even though he was where he wanted to be, he felt like something was missing. A part of him was left behind somewhere, but he didn't know where.

There was something wrong except he couldn't figure out what it was. It was almost painful.

He sighed and sat up, running a hand through his messy hair. It was still damp from the shower he had. He looked over to Jack's bed, debating whether he should go and lay in it or whether that would be too creepy.

In the end, he decided not to and just grabbed his laptop instead, starting some of his assignments that weren't due until next term.

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

" _Alex_."

" _Alex."_

" _Hey! Alex!"_

He jolted awake, looking around his room.  _Was that...?_  No. He rubbed his eyes, now he was hearing things too? Great. Feeling particularly groggy this morning, Alex ignored his flashing mobile and went straight to the bathroom to splash his face with freezing cold water. It was a gloomy morning, so chances are, Dana's ringing him, asking if he'd like to go and visit mother dearest. Not like there's anything else to do on a rainy Sunday.

He caught his reflection in the mirror, staring at his sickly pale skin and dark eyes. He looked ill, no wonder nobody wanted to speak to him. His eyes were a deep shade of blue and it contrasted nicely next to his skin, however, a little bit of colour in his cheeks probably would have made him look maybe a little bit more normal.

Someone was knocking heavily on his door when he was combing through his hair, trying to at least tame it. Alex yawned and walked to his door, slightly confused on who the hell would be knocking on his door.

When he opened it a fraction, Dana busted through the small crack and quickly shut it behind her.

"What- how did you get in here?" Alex asked, staring at her in confusion. This was a boy's dorm and by no means were girls allowed in.

"I snuck in." She replied far too proudly, a grin on her face. "I tried calling you."

"Yeah, I was sleeping." Alex yawned, turning away from her and falling onto his bed, wrapping himself in his duvet." It's Sunday, what the hell do you want with me on a Sunday?"

Dana jumped on the bed, "wanna go see mom?"

"No." Alex deadpanned.

"Why not?" Dana sounded insulted, "you haven't seen her for, like, three weeks."

"No." Alex repeated, trying his best to get a few more hours sleep. Hopefully Dana would get the message and leave.

Dana cursed under her breath. "What the fuck is the matter with you?"

"You."

Another curse. "Come on, talk to me." Dana urged, leaning back against the headboard.

Alex sighed and turned to stare up at the ceiling. There was no harm in getting it off his chest. It might help. "My...best friend slash roommate left."

Dana looked to the other side of the room then stared at him, "you had a roommate?" She looked stunned, "no, wait, you had a  _friend!?_ "

Alex turned to her, bemused. "Yeah."

"When- I mean...wha-?" Dana narrowed her eyes, "are you fucking with me?"

"No." Alex shook his head, smiling at Dana's surprised expression. Surprised was an understatement. "His name's Jack, he's been friends with me for the whole two years I've been here. I can't believe you've never met him."

"Shit." Dana's jaw could not drop any lower, "tell me about him, then."

Alex pretending to think deeply. He could go on all day about Jack, telling her what he liked, what he disliked, what he looked like in the morning and at night, why he acted the way he did, why he dyed his hair black. Alex knew everything, in a not-so-creepy way.

"He's interesting." Alex finally replied, running the fabric of his duvet through his fingers.

"Holy fuck." Dana breathed with a smile. She must have seen the sadness in Alex's eyes because the smile disappeared quickly. "Why did he leave?"

"His mom was sick." Alex was staring back up at the ceiling now, kneading his duvet with his fingers. "Which is weird because he hates his mom."

"Why?"

"She hit him."

"Mom hit you." Dana retorted.

"That was different."

"How?"

Alex felt frustration building up, "I don't want to go into this, so can we just drop it?"

"You still love mom, don't you?" When Alex didn't reply, Dana took that as a 'yes' and nodded, "see? So obviously he'd go see her."

Alex inhaled deeply in frustration. "Can you leave me alone now?"

Dana blinked in surprise then frowned, "what?"

"Get out."

"What did I say?"

Alex sat up, glaring at her. Anger shot through him. He didn't know where this anger had come from, but it was there and it was blinding him and Jack's words were suffocating him.

' _Scare them. They'll leave you alone if you scare them_.'

"Look, you're just mad because this 'Jack' would rather go see his mom than tend to your loneliness." Dana joked, placing a hand over Alex's.

Alex yanked his hand away from hers and was faced with the temptation to wipe that ugly smile off her face.

"Get. Out." Alex repeated in a low tone.

"Okay, okay." Dana put her hands up as a sign of peace and stood from the bed. "You're creeping me out, stop staring at me like that."

Alex said nothing as she made her way to the door and gave him a sympathetic look before leaving. He let his facade drop once the door shut behind her. He breathed out, feeling the anger dissolve as he looked out of the window next to his bed. It had worked. Why did he never think of this before?

 _Thanks Jack._ Alex smirked to himself.

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

Alex had slept for the rest of Sunday. He refused to move from his bed, to even look at his phone. He knew Dana was still trying to call him, knowing she was on his bad side and that he would ignore her for a good few days. He was surprised she hadn't written a story about it in the college paper, begging him to speak to her and talk things out. Monday couldn't have come round quick enough.

He spent most of his morning in the shower, just standing under the boiling water running over his skin. When he stepped out, his skin was red raw but he didn't mind that much. Jack had always said the hot water gave his skin more colour.

Wiping a clear streak through the steam on the mirror, Alex grabbed for his toothbrush and looked up at his reflection. He jumped back when he saw Jack standing behind him, staring at him through the mirror. He whirled around fast enough to almost fall over, seeing nobody behind him. He looked around the room, rapidly breathing.

"What the  _fuck._ " He breathed, turning back to the mirror and seeing his own panicked face. He was losing his fucking mind. He walked quickly into his room, picking up his mobile and dialing Jack's number.

The phone rang twice until a groggy voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Jack?" Alex asked, keeping the phone close to his ear.

"What the fuck, man, it's half seven in the morning." Jack drawled, something muffling his voice. He must have been asleep.

"Sorry, I just..." Alex trailed off, staring at a particular crack in the wall. "I just wanted to call, y'know?"

"Aww, missin' me already?" Jack chuckled.

"Fuck off." Alex replied but couldn't help smirking.

"Can I go back to sleep now? Or is something wrong?"

Alex debated mentioning it. What could he say?  _Hey, yeah, I just saw you in the mirror. Heard you in my sleep. Y'know, a normal thing to experience._

"No, you can get back to sleep. I'm holding the fort." Alex said finally, feeling himself wanting to hold the line just a little bit longer. It was half seven and Jack was never a morning person, so it probably would be best to wait until later for a conversation.

"Awesome, man. Speak to you later." Jack replied.

"Yeah. You too." Alex let Jack hang up.

He stood there with the phone in his hands, unaware of time ticking by. His wet hair still dripped onto his shoulders, the towel around his waist had moved lower from moving so fast but nothing seemed to comprehend in his mind.

He took a deep breath and walked back to the bathroom, glancing at the mirror. It was like nothing made sense anymore. He was lost, confused and alone. Three things he'd felt too often.

Maybe he should take up smoking.

His thoughts were drowning him while he was dressing. He was almost fifteen minutes behind this morning except he didn't really care. He didn't really care about a lot of things. He picked up his gray jacket from the floor and put it on. He decided put his hood up.

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

He'd made it to his first lesson ten minutes late. Professor Cross was not amused when Alex tried to silently sneak into the classroom. Cross had called his name, allowing every student to turn to Alex and stare. Alex froze, avoiding everyone's eyes apart from Cross'.

"Why are you late?"

"Late night." Alex lied, hoping the briefer he was, the less likely Cross would keep the attention on him.

Cross glared at him. Every other professor would've just allowed him to sit down and open his textbook. But not Cross. Cross was strict as fuck and could smell fear.

"What kept you up all night, Mr. Mercer? Were you too busy browsing the web to notice the time? Or did your grandmother call and not let you go? Come on, I'm interested." Cross put his pen down and crossed his arms.

Shit. Alex couldn't get out of this one. Well, he could just run. Running was always an option, but then he'd have to face his class again for rest of his Mondays at this godforsaken place.

Alex just shrugged. That was apparently a bad move.

Cross narrowed his eyes, "get out of my class. If you can't be bothered to turn up on time with an appropriate reason, don't bother turning up at all."

Alex didn't even glance back when he left the classroom, he was just glad to be out of everyone's sight. Now he had an hour and a half to kill, so his best option was to go the library and do his studying there. Seeing as Cross wasn't going to teach him, he might as well teach himself.

The library was a place of sanctuary. It was quiet, nobody looked up from their books because they were too busy to care about their surroundings. Everybody was there for the same reason and that just calmed Alex. He should come to the library more often.

He moved over to the Biology textbooks and grabbed a few, quietly placing them a free table. Soon, he was too indulged in his work to even care about the world around him. All of his problems had disappeared.

Until he heard someone behind him.

"Pst." They whispered. Alex tried to ignore them, but then another "PSTTT!" came from behind him and he sighed, turning around to see the guy he'd bumped into that day. He was sitting a table behind Alex, chair balancing onto two legs as he leaned back to prod Alex.

"What?" Alex hissed quietly.

"Can I borrow a pencil?" The guy replied, an apologetic smile on his face.

Alex rolled his eyes, grabbing a pencil from his pencil case and handing it over to...Desmond? Was that his name?

"Thanks." Desmond whispered loudly, letting his chair legs smack onto the carpeted floor with a loud thud.

Alex leaned forward again, re-reading the sentence he'd just tried reading about four times. Then came another "Pst!" from behind him.

He growled and turned back around, "What  _now?_ "

"Can I borrow an eraser too?" Desmond smiled that dumb smile again. Alex picked up his pencil case and practically threw it at Desmond.

"Just take the whole damn thing." Alex hissed, turning back around to finish reading.

He heard Desmond's chair legs thump against the floor again and then heard a string of curses being whispered. Alex was no longer able to concentrate and his train of thought had taken a completely different track. All he could do was try not to smirk at the boy behind him.

"Who the fuck does this Gremio guy think he is?" Desmond muttered. "How am I meant to write an essay with this motherfucker messing shit up?"

Alex pulled his hood further over his head and tried to concentrate, failing miserably when someone placed a hand over his. He snatched his hand away immediately, looking up at the person who even dared to come near him.

It was Maria.

_Oh fuck no._

"Hey." She whispered with a smile, "it's only me."

Alex ignored her, looking back down at his textbook. Maria didn't leave though, she didn't seem to get the message that Alex really just wanted to be  _alone._ She pulled up a chair and sat beside him, "what are you reading?"

Alex refused to acknowledge her. Hopefully, if he kept this up long enough, she'd leave and never speak to him again.

_Scare them._

Alex brushed that thought away. He was in the middle of the library, no way was he going to cause a scene just to get someone to leave him alone.

"I've always had an interest in Science, you know. Maybe we should study together one time?" Maria did that annoying thing again where she placed her hand on his. He glared at her.

"I'm busy. Go away."

Her jaw dropped and she look more than a little hurt. "Oh...Okay." She said quietly, standing up. "See you around...I guess."

He watched her silently as she walked away, head hung. He felt a pang of guilt at being so blunt, but then again, she should just get the message that if he even hinted a smile at her, Altair would wring his neck.

"Wow, that's no way to speak to your girlfriend." Desmond said suddenly, facing Alex. He'd turned himself around in his chair and his arms rested on the back of it.

"That wasn't my girlfriend." Alex replied shortly, looking away from Desmond. Great, now this asshole wanted to start a conversation.

"Oh, you're that Alex guy!" Desmond smiled, "We bumped into each other the other day."

Alex ignored him, feeling himself become anxious at the thought of someone waiting for a reply from him. A reply that was never going to come.

"So you're on it with Maria." Desmond said after a moment of silence, smirking.

Alex clenched his teeth. "No, I'm not ' _on it with Maria_ '." He ground out. Desmond was surely just winding him up.

"But-"

"For fuck's sake." Alex growled loudly. The library teacher shushed him loudly and he glared at her. She looked back down at the books on her desk. Alex stood up, shoving his books back in his bag. Desmond watched him, looking confused at his sudden outburst.

"What about your-" Desmond asked, gesturing to his pencil case.

"You know what? Keep the fucking thing, burn it, I don't give a shit." Alex hissed and stormed out of the library.

He knew he needed to find somewhere to calm down, to just be on his own. A hand wrapped around his arm and he turned his head with a dangerous glare in his eyes. Dana stood there, concern plastered on her face.

"Alex?"

"Leave me the fuck alone." Alex ripped his arm from her grip and walked away, heading for his dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Desmond, he's such a friendly dick ;w;


	3. Chapter 3

Alex missed the rest of his lessons. He didn't have the mental capacity to deal with anyone.

The last time he'd gotten this wound up, Jack had sneaked him off the college grounds during classes and took him to the nearest gym, where Alex took his frustrations out on a punching bag.

" _If you do this every week, I promise you won't be so angry._ " Jack had smirked as Alex pretended the punching bag was Altair, " _then you might be able to make some friends._ "

"Why would I need friends when I have you?" Alex rephrased aloud, laying on his bed. Maybe going to the gym again would help. He liked being alone, but he didn't  _want_ to like being alone.

Around 3pm, there was a knock on his door. He knew it was Dana. She had come to try and talk to him, try and figure him out and ask what's going on. He ignored the first and second knock.

The third knock got him standing up and the fourth had him shouting that he was coming. He opened the door expecting Dana to barge in except, it wasn't Dana. It was Desmond.

"Hey." Desmond smiled weakly, "I just came by to give you this." He held out Alex's pencil case.

Alex was stunned. He looked at Desmond then back at the pencil case, then back at Desmond a final time. "Um. Thanks."

"No problem, man." Desmond was now fully smiling, "I'm sorry if I pissed you off."

"I...Uh..." Alex stuttered. Nobody had ever been this... _nice_? To him.

"Anyway, I don't wanna keep you from...whatever it is you're doing." Desmond waved and started to walk away. Alex felt his mood begin to drop watching Desmond walking away. It could have just been him not wanting to be lonely that made him call after Desmond.

"Taming of the Shrew." Alex blurted. Desmond turned to him, confused.

"What?"

"That's what you have to write your essay on, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Desmond groaned, "and it's a pain in the ass."

"I can help you." Alex found himself offering. "Only if you want me to." He added quickly.

Desmond smiled, "sure. I need all the help I can get." He strolled back towards Alex.

"You busy now?" Desmond asked suddenly

"Uh, no." Alex opened the door wider to allow Desmond access to his dark room. Desmond wandered in, squinting.

"Shit, it's so dark in here."

"Yeah, sorry." Alex replied, walking over to the window beside his bed and opening the blinds, then walked over to the window beside Jack's bed and did the same.

"You have a roommate?" Desmond asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Did. Well, I still do. He's just gone away for a while."

"Thought you would've scared him off." Desmond smirked. Alex turned to him with an unamused expression.

"Dump your books wherever." Alex said, sitting on his bed.

Desmond pulled up a desk chair opposite Alex and sat down. He picked up his bag and took out two scripts and three books. He handed Alex the books and Alex frowned.

"What?" Desmond asked, confused.

Alex threw two of the books on the floor and flipped through the pages of the one in his hand, "you only need this page." He said, handing Desmond the opened book, "don't ever try and understand Shakespeare."

Desmond nodded but was obviously full of questions. Alex picked up the scripts and scanned through them. "How far into your essay are you?"

"Uh..." Desmond rubbed the back of his neck.

Alex knew the answer to that question. "When is it due?"

"Uh...Tomorrow."

"We'd better get started then." Alex sighed, giving Desmond the scripts.

"Can I borrow a pen?" Desmond smiled apologetically. "And some paper?"

Alex rolled his eyes but nonetheless reached for his bag.

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

It was around 8pm when Desmond had finally finished his stupid essay. He held the bundle of paper up as a sign of victory and yawned, "thank fuck that's over."

Alex closed the book he was looking through,  _Understanding Shakespeare._ He took the essay from Desmond's hands and skimmed through it, nodding. "I'm impressed."

"Me too." Desmond replied, "I didn't actually think I'd finish it."

Alex handed him back his essay and caught Desmond staring at him. "What?" He shifted uncomfortably.

"Thanks," He said, "for helping me out with this."

"It's...fine." Alex shrugged. Why was Desmond still staring?

"My cousin's always saying what an ass you are, but you're alright."

"Your cousin?"

"Yeah, Altair's my cousin." Desmond replied casually, as if his cousin wasn't one of the most intimidating and threatening people to ever step foot on college grounds.

Now Alex understood why Desmond was walking around with them and how he knew who Maria was.

"God, I'm starving." Desmond held his stomach, "Want to get something to eat?"

Alex paused, "uh...no."

"C'mon, I know this really good diner. It's not far." When Alex started debating it, he saw Desmond pout. "Please?"

Alex nodded briefly, "fine, okay."

"Thank god, I thought I would have to get on my knees and start begging."

Alex felt a smile tug at his lips. "Actually..."

"No." Desmond replied, throwing Alex's jacket at him.

They walked through a few alleyways and reached the diner. Desmond was right, it wasn't that far. Alex was surprised he'd never seen this place before. It was lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree.

They walked into the almost empty diner and snagged a booth furthest away from the door. Alex looked over the menu, "is there anything that isn't swimming in grease?"

"No but that's the best thing about this place. They deep fry everything, even the deserts." Desmond laughed.

A large woman came over with a notepad and pen, "hello Desmond, you know what you want?"

"Hey Beatrice, the usual."

"And you, babycakes?" She turned to Alex and he had never felt so suffocated in his life. He never came to restaurants because it required having the ability to speak to strangers and all of that pressure killed him a little bit more inside. No, it just wasn't something he liked doing.

"Just a...um...coffee. Thanks." He shifted in his seat. The waitress smiled at him and he visibly relaxed.

"Sure thing." And she was gone.

Alex released a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding.

"You okay?" Desmond asked, leaning forward in his seat.

Alex nodded, "yeah, I'm just...not used to this."

"What, ordering food?" Alex could tell there a slight mocking in Desmond's voice and he started to feel a little bit stupid. Inferior.

"Something like that." Alex looked down at his hands on the table.

"Hey man, look at this." Desmond said after a moment of silence. Alex looked up and was met with Desmond sticking a fork in his eye and spurting blood over the table.

"What the fuck?!" Alex leaned back in his seat, staring in horror.

Desmond laughed so loudly that it echoed through the diner. He removed his hand that was covering his eye to reveal a pierced ketchup packet. Alex glared at him, watching as Desmond held his side. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He inhaled gulps of air between laughter, "but your face."

Alex couldn't help but crack a smile at Desmond's contagious laughter. He couldn't be angry at Desmond. Maybe frustrated but he just couldn't be mad. There was something about him.

"That's the first time I've seen you smile." Desmond wiped a tear from his eye, "is hell freezing over?"

Before Alex could give a sarcastic reply, Beatrice came back over with their orders. Except, she placed two huge plates of food down in front of Desmond and another huge plate of food down in front of Alex.

"There's your's," She smiled at Desmond and then turned to Alex, "and you need fattening up, so this is on the house."

Alex looked down at the various greasy options of food on his plate. Beatrice patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

"I can't eat this." Alex stated, gesturing to his plate.

"Sure you can. You are looking a little peaky, so maybe some grease with extra grease will make you feel better." Desmond picked up his fork and started wolfing down his...Alex didn't even know what that was.

"I cannot fit something that big in my mouth." He gestured to the burger on his plate and Desmond began coughing.

Alex looked up to see Desmond coughing and reaching for his drink, taking large gulps. Alex thought he was choking until he realised what he said, "I didn't mean...I-"

Desmond began coughing again, laughter erupting in between his violent coughs. Alex let his stone faced facade drop and he began chuckling at Desmond.

When they finally finished laughing, Desmond began eating again and Alex picked at his plate. He managed a few chips and a quarter of the burger. He downed his coffee in one go, feeling the caffeine nip at his system. He loved the feel of the burning in his throat from the boiling coffee.

"You gonna eat that?" Desmond asked, pointing at the rest of Alex's burger. Alex shook his head with a grimace.

"You can have the lot."

"Seriously?" Desmond practically beamed, his hazel eyes shimmering.

Alex snorted, "how do you manage to eat so much?"

"How do you not? Food is one of man's greatest inventions." Desmond took a large bite of Alex's burger.

"Since when was food an invention."

Desmond threw a chip at Alex, "shut up."

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

It was late when they left the diner. Alex looked down at the time on his phone and cursed, "I need to get back."

"Same, my parents are probably wondering where I am." Desmond stretched.

"So you don't have a dorm?" Alex asked.

"Nah, my parents wanted me at home." Desmond replied as they started walking. "Not like they're ever home." He added, muttering. Alex nodded.

"Guess your parents wanted you gone." Desmond smirked. Alex narrowed his eyes at him.

"Only because I'm such a ball of sunshine. They couldn't handle me."

"I bet." Desmond chuckled.

They reached the college and Desmond held his hand out towards Alex, who looked down at it with confusion.

"Shake my hand." Desmond urged.

Alex hesitantly reached for his hand and was pulled into some sort of... _hug?_  He stiffened immediately, feeling suffocated and uncomfortable. Desmond rubbed a hand over his back, "you gotta loosen up, man."

"I will when you let go of me." Alex mumbled, relaxing slightly.

Desmond squeezed him a little bit tighter and then released him, grinning. "Nice to meet you, Alex."

"Vice versa." Alex replied, utterly confused.

Desmond gave a curt nod and walked away, obviously heading home. Alex stared at him walking away for a moment, then made his way inside the college to his dorm room.

Of all the things he would've done this evening, spending it with Desmond was the last thing he imagined. He didn't regret wasting an entire evening with the guy, it was probably the most fun he'd had in...well, probably the most fun he'd ever had.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendship is magic, guys!
> 
> so I think I need to state that how Alex feels is exactly how I feel around people. So, when I'm writing about anxiety, it is literally from experience. I'm not a doctor or anything, but I'm literally just going on what I feel.
> 
> Pls don't run from me ;-;
> 
> Oh yeah, and the scene with the ketchup, that's from a movie called Hot Fuzz. It's one of my favourites .w.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops this is late! I'm so sorry! I've had college and I also had to complete The Evil Within. Goddamn that game is good.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

 

It'd been an eventful 17 days. Dana had given up trying to call Alex, and persuade him to visit their mommy dearest, Alex had decided that joining a gym was his best option of getting rid of his anger and Desmond stopped by Alex's dorm almost every day to ask for help with something. Alex didn't mind at all. He enjoyed the company, surprisingly. His room didn't feel so...empty anymore. He'd really grown to like Desmond, despite his flaws, which were mostly just not taking the hint when Alex didn't want to talk about his problems.

What was strange was the fact that Alex had almost completely forgotten about Jack for those days. When he was with Desmond, everything seemed to fade into the background and nothing seemed to matter. It sounded cheesy and ridiculous and Alex knew that, which is why he'd never admit it.

It was Thursday and Desmond had invited Alex over to his for help with his English. Again. This wasn't the first time Alex had been to Desmond's. It was roughly the fourth time he'd been since they met. Desmond's house was average, if not, just a bit over the top. His mom was obviously a perfectionist and his dad was evidently okay with that, seeing as they had been married 14 years.

Alex had found this out when he first visited. Desmond strolled through the door, yelling that he was home and his mom came darting down the stairs, welcoming him home as if he'd been gone for years. She stopped to look at Alex and made no judgment with her eyes, which felt strange considering most people did. She politely asked who he was and offered him a drink, which he'd kindly refused. Then decided that it would be a good time to put his hood down.

His attitude towards people had improved thanks to Desmond. The other had introduced Alex to various people (everyone Desmond knew apart from his cousins, who still hated Alex and didn't know about his and Desmond's friendship). His mom allowed Desmond and Alex to go to his room and that was that. Alex was thankful to Desmond. He had practically saved him.

In a less dramatic sort of way. Or not.

Desmond was halfway through writing up a rough draft of an essay due next week.

"Come to this party tomorrow night." He said casually. Too casually. Alex knew that was what Desmond had been wanting to ask for the whole day. Not the exact question, but it was obvious on Desmond's features that he was hiding something.

"No." Alex deadpanned, as he usually did. He was leaning against the headboard on Desmond's bed, doing work of his own on his laptop and was too busy to have a conversation.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun." Desmond looked over at Alex from his desk, pouting.

"No." Alex repeated, "you know I don't like people."

"But I'll be there! Come on, please? It won't be fun without you." Desmond practically begged. "Besides, most of my friends will be there. They're your friends too."

Alex glanced at his pathetic expression and then back at the laptop. "I'll think about it."

Desmond made a sound of victory before standing up and handing Alex his draft. Alex looked over it, skimming through each sentence. He nodded, "that's fine. Add more examples of Shakespeare's writing and present your understanding of Macbeth's monologue."

"But...you told me to not ever try understanding Shakespeare." Desmond looked so confused it was almost cute.

_Cute?_

"Bullshit your way through it, you're good at that."

Desmond nodded, leaning down to look at Alex's laptop screen, "what're you doing anyway?"

"Biology." Alex replied shortly.

"Huh." Desmond took a seat next to Alex, staring at the laptop screen. Alex was typing away, not remotely bothered about Desmond watching his every move.

"Would it creep you out if I said you have nice hands?" Desmond commented, not looking away from the laptop screen.

Alex paused, turning to his friend, "um. No?"

"Good, because you have nice hands." Desmond looked at him and smiled.

"Thanks." Alex replied slowly, turning back to his laptop screen.

"Usually when one compliments someone, one expects a compliment back."

Alex scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, "what?"

"Compliment me." Desmond grinned, nudging Alex with his elbow. Alex felt a pang of anxiety, not wanting to insult Desmond by having to think of a compliment.

Such a basic thing causes Alex the most difficulty. How the fuck did that work?

"You, uh...Your eyebrows are nice?" Alex replied, searching Desmond's features briefly.

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it."

Alex stared at the laptop screen, words suddenly lost in his head. He turned back towards Desmond and saw that the other was chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Are you okay?"

Desmond seemed to not noticed Alex looking at him and turned to him in surprise. "Yeah."

Alex wasn't convinced and closed his laptop, putting it beside him. Desmond glanced at him and fiddled with the tassel on his hoodie.

"Desmond, you've been weird all day." Alex stated, "what's wrong with you?"

"I'm...well...Okay, so there's someone I like." Desmond finally said, after moments of silence.

Alex was glad he spoke. He may have become less anxious around people but that doesn't mean he wasn't still an impatient little shit.

"What do you mean by 'like'?" Alex asked.

Desmond looked at him dumbfounded. "You know,  _like_..."

"Oh." Alex caught on, "okay, so?"

"I don't know what to do." Desmond admitted suddenly. His usual calm, confident facade dropping immediately.

"Well you're fucked because neither do I." Alex chuckled.

Desmond snorted, fiddling with his tassel again. "I'm sure it'll work out somehow."

"Who is she?" Alex asked, watching as the tassel passed between Desmond's slender fingers.

"Uh...Well, actually-"

"Desmond, it's getting late!" Desmond's mom called from downstairs. Desmond rolled his eyes and dropped his arms onto the mattress.

"Okay!" He yelled back, rolling his eyes. "Come on, I'll walk you."

"I'm not a damsel, I can walk back to my dorm myself." Alex smirked, shoving his laptop in his bag.

"I need some air, chicken shit." Desmond stood from his bed, flipping Alex his middle finger.

"Oh wow, fuck you." Alex laughed as he pulled his hood over his head. He wiped down the creases on his dark jeans and picked up his bag, waiting for Desmond to pull a jacket on over his black hoodie. Alex tapped his foot against the floor, watching in amusement as Desmond failed to find the other sleeve of his jacket and ended up spinning around various times before sighing in irritation.

"Dumbass." Alex muttered, lifting the jacket so Desmond could put his arm through. He muttered a thanks and soon they were on their way.

It was getting dark and cold and Alex shivered when they crossed the road from Desmond's house. "So this girl, you never told me who she was." He stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Desmond was silent for a moment, which was completely out of character for him. Most of the time, Alex was telling him to shut up. "You don't know her."

Alex sensed that the other didn't want to talk about it, so he shrugged and they walked in silence until they were outside of the college. Alex turned to Desmond, "I think you should just tell her how you feel. I'm shit at this relationship stuff but that's the advice I've always been given, and it sometimes works."

Desmond smiled weakly, "thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

"Just...Christ, cheer up. I can't stand that mopey face." Alex patted Desmond's warm cheek. Desmond snorted and slapped his hand away.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Desmond waved, walking away. Alex smiled at him before walking to his dorm.

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

Alex didn't have trouble sleeping that night, for once. He woke up two minutes before his alarm was due to go off and he felt refreshed more than he ever had. He checked his phone briefly, seeing that his text had no reply from Jack.

He hadn't had a reply from Jack in days.

Alex ran a hand through his hair, fearing the worst. Maybe Jack's mom was sicker than he made out. After a minute of debating whether or not to call him, Alex dialed the number and pressed the phone to his ear.

The familiar feeling of anxiety pressed against him as the phone rang out. Alex looked down as it read ' _call disconnected_ '.

Maybe Jack was sleeping. Alex felt like smacking himself; of course, it was 7am, why would Jack be awake? He threw his phone onto his bed and headed for the shower.

He left his dorm earlier than usual, taking his time getting to first lesson. He might have been helped with his anxiety around strangers but that didn't stop him from putting his hood up and avoiding eye contact with anybody he didn't know. In the end, he ended up walking faster to his lesson and getting there ten minutes early.

His lesson dragged on, as usual. Trust college to take the thing you're passionate about and crush it into a million pieces. He was almost falling asleep at his desk when Professor Cross told them to leave. Except he asked Alex to stay behind.

Alex stepped up from his desk once everyone had left and stood in front of Cross' desk.

"Put that hood down." Cross muttered and glared when Alex hesitated pulling his hood off his head. "I hate to admit it, Mercer, but your work has been surprising me. You could even say I'm impressed."

Alex nodded slowly, unsure of where this conversation was going.

"I wondered if you would be interested in volunteering at Gentek with me and a few other students." Cross leaned back in his chair, hands linking together on his chest.

Alex opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. He wondered whether this was a cruel prank; Cross had never liked him, so he wouldn't put it passed the man.

"I'll take that as a yes." Cross gave him a quick smile. "There will be more information on it at a later date. You can leave now."

Alex took a moment to recollect his thoughts and he found himself staring at Professor Cross before nodding, turning away and leaving the classroom. He completely forgot about his hood being down until he got to his next lesson and his classmates were looking at him oddly.

"Who's the new kid." Someone murmured. Alex ignored the stares the best he could throughout the lesson, just waiting for a free period so he could go back to his dorm and recharge.

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

Alex pushed open his dorm room door, dumping his bag inside when suddenly, he looked up to see Jack, standing in the middle of the room. His eyes went wide and he tried to make out words, form an actual sentence but all that came out was "Jack?"

"What, do I not get a 'hello, how are you?' or even a hug?" Jack grinned.

Alex stood there for a moment, dumbfounded but soon his excitement got the better of him and he rushed forward, wrapping his arms around his best friend. It was an odd move, considering he hated all kinds of physical contact, however nothing could stop the relief that shot through him. "You didn't- when did you-?"

"This afternoon, and no I didn't call because duh, I wanted to surprise you." Jack hugged him briefly, "how lonely ya been then?"

Alex smiled widely, his mood immediately lightening. "You have to meet Desmond, you'll really like him, he's so interesting and-"

Jack stopped him, no emotion particularly showing on his usually happy face, "wait. Who's this 'Desmond'?"

"He's a friend." Alex felt the words roll off his tongue. It was weird finally talking to someone about Desmond.

"A friend?" Jack frowned, but Alex kept talking, unaware of the sudden change of atmosphere in the room.

"Yeah. He's introduced me to so many new friends. I'm not a loner anymore." Alex shrugged with a smile.

"Friends?" Jack grimaced. It was Alex's turn to frown.

"Yeah...what's wrong?"

" _Friends_?" Jack repeated, this time more venomous. "Why do you need  _friends_  when you have me?"

"You left." Alex said quietly. Why was Jack upset? Nothing had changed between them. "I just thought-"

"Oh, you 'just thought'?" Jack spat, turning away from Alex. "You know what? I don't even know why I came back. You've changed."

"What the fuck?" Alex reached forward and grabbed at Jack's arm, spinning him around, "I thought you'd be happy for me, you're the one always saying I needed to get out there and make some friends. Don't be so fucking dramatic."

"Yeah, but these people aren't your friends are they?" Jack hissed, pushing Alex back.

"What are you talking about?" Alex scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

"I've been here longer than you, Alex. I know what the people here are like." Jack pointed to Alex, "they will destroy you."

Alex looked down. It was literally as if Jack had looked inside his mind, inside that little box of fears that Alex had hidden away, and threw all of them in his face. "Desmond's not just some asshole I picked up off the street." He replied. He hated arguing with Jack. Because he always lost.

"He asked you for a pencil." Jack scoffed, " _I_ turned up on your doorstep with my bag, hoping to change your life."

Alex's head shot up, "what? I never told you anything about Desmond...how did you-"

Jack shrugged and cut him off. "Are you really going to believe that those people care about you?"

Alex didn't reply, instead he sighed in defeat and sat on Jack's bed.

"I hate seeing you upset." Jack sniffed, sitting beside Alex. "So for once in your life, listen to me."

Jack reached into Alex's jacket pocket after a moment of silence and took out his phone, opening a message to Desmond and handing the phone to Alex. "Tell him you can't go to that party tonight."

Alex took the phone and quickly typed a message. His finger hovered over the send button, debating whether this was what he wanted. Jack was staring at him expectantly and Alex didn't have it in him to argue. Maybe Jack was right.

Once it had sent, he passed his phone back to Jack and laid on the bed, sighing deeply. He heard a thump and assumed that Jack had thrown his phone somewhere in the room and felt the bed sink in next to him.

They laid like that for what felt like hours. Not speaking, just laying there. So many thoughts were racing through Alex's mind, not one of them making sense. Jack must have been keeping in contact with people to know what was going on while he was away. That's the only explanation he could think of.

His thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock at the door. Alex sat up, getting up to walk over to it when Jack pulled on his arm, shaking his head.

"Alex, it's me." Desmond's voice rang out from the other side of the door.

"I have to answer it." Alex pulled his arm from Jack's grip. Jack stood up quickly.

"Don't let him in." He said quickly.

"Why?" Alex asked, beginning to get frustrated with being bossed around.

He faced Jack and he'd never seen the other look so panicked, "because he could ruin everything."

Alex was about to question him, ask him what the hell was going on until there was another loud knock on the door. Alex rushed over to the door, opening it and ignoring Jack's threats.

"Hey." Desmond smiled, "I got your text."

"Now's not really a good..." He trailed off, looking around for his room for Jack, only to see...nobody. "...Time..."

Desmond poked his head around the door, "why not?"

"I..." Alex stepped away from the door, squinting in the dim light of his room. "There was..."

"Are you okay?" Desmond asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I...don't know." Alex rushed over to Jack's side of the room, turning 180 degrees in confusion. He put a hand on his head, "I really don't know."

"What's wrong?" Desmond sat down on Jack's bed in front of Alex.

"My roommate...he was literally just here." Alex mused.

Desmond looked around, "well, there's no one here now."

"I can see that." Alex replied then focused his gaze on Desmond, "anyway, why are you here?"

"You're not coming tonight?" Desmond did that dumb pouty face that always got Alex doing whatever he wanted him to do.

"No. I don't think I'll like it." Alex stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets.

Desmond pouted more, grabbing one of Alex's arms and leeching onto it. "Please?"

"Jack said-"

"Jack?"

Alex glanced around his room once more. "My roommate. Jack said that I shouldn't go."

"He said you shouldn't go?" Desmond asked slowly, raising an eyebrow.

Alex nodded in reply, not really wanting to explain the whole situation. Desmond would probably get angry and leave anyway.

"He sounds…" Desmond trailed off once looking at the dangerous look in Alex's eyes. "Well...Jack's not here right now, is he?" Desmond smiled evilly, "so...?"

Alex glared at him, soon rolling his eyes and smiling, "fine. Fine, I'll come."

"Yes!" Desmond grinned, "I need to get back to class, but I'll be here at six to check you out. See if you're appropriately dressed."

"Sure, whatever." Alex followed him to the door and closing it after him. He turned around and blinked at the empty room.  _What the fuck was going on?_  Alex sat down on his bed, his head beginning to hurt from all of his thoughts surrounding him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a tiiiiiiiiny bit of smut in this chapter. 
> 
> Just a warning so you don't end up reading about Alex's rock hard abs in front of your moms 
> 
> Enjoy!

Desmond had arrived at six o'clock sharp with that dumb smile plastered on his face, looking Alex up and down. He nodded, "Yeah, I'm liking it. You should dress like that more often."

"These are probably the only decent clothes I own." Alex adjusted the collar on his black button down shirt. His attire was mostly dark colours, as usual. Dark clothes were just the easiest to buy. Black shirt, dark jeans, black shoes and his one of a kind, gray hoodie.

Desmond batted Alex's hands away and adjusted the collar for him, then unbuttoned the two top buttons on the shirt. Alex grabbed his hands immediately, narrowing his eyes. "What are you doing?"

Desmond blinked in surprise, "I...was just making you look like a normal guy."

Alex let go of his hands, glancing away. "Oh, sorry."

"It's fine." Desmond smirked, "I usually give someone a warning before I start stripping them."

Alex rolled his eyes and sighed. They began heading for the party, seeing the house from almost two blocks away. All the lights were on inside and outside of the house, people were sitting on the grass and on cars parked along the street and music was blaring and vibrating the ground. Alex stopped, feeling the familiar pit of anxiety build up. He felt someone touch his arm and he looked down, realising it was Desmond.

"I won't leave you." He smiled, "promise."

Alex felt the bubbling anxiety ease and allowed himself to be pulled into the house where they joined a group of people that Desmond had introduced to Alex before. As they sat and talked, laughing and drinking together, Alex realised just how much he'd changed in such a short amount of time. Here he was, around more people than he'd ever imagined, talking. His hood had been pushed down by Desmond shortly after they arrived and he didn't mind at all.

The whole time they had been talking, Alex hadn't realised that he'd been staring at Desmond, watching as the other took sips from his cup and noticed the little things Desmond did when he was talking, like occasionally ruffle his hair, lick his lips, run a hand along his jaw. This guy was just too fascinating. Alex had to look away when Desmond caught him staring; he didn't want to freak the other out.

Time went on and Alex was starting to feel lightheaded and fuzzy. Him and Desmond had somehow managed to end up standing on a table with four (two? Was he seeing double?) other people, dancing and re-enacting a scene from Lord of the Rings. Dancing wasn't exactly the word for it but everyone else was too drunk to notice and began to cheer them on.

Alex's eyes locked onto a figure moving by the archway leading to the living room they were in and he squinted. The figure moved through the crowd, staring at him. It was then that he realised just who it was. Immediately, he lost his footing and fell backwards, pulling Desmond down with him when the other tried to catch him.

There were a few gasps and people were crowding around, asking if the two of them were okay. Alex nodded as he stood up, rubbing the back of his neck and shrugging off the concerned questions from the people around him. Desmond followed suit, laughing and trying to form a sentence through the laughter. Alex didn't pay attention to him, he instead walked through the crowd of people still cheering on the two on the table.

Desmond pulled on Alex's arm, "dude, what's up?"

Alex glanced at Desmond and then back into the crowd of people before deciding that it was his drunk mind playing tricks on him. "Nothing, I just need to go to the bathroom."

"Don't let me keep you." Desmond smiled. Alex smiled weakly, maneuvering his way to the bathroom upstairs.

He splashed cold water on his face, feeling refreshed after patting his face dry with the hand towel. Looking up in the mirror, he gasped and jumped back, slipping and falling onto the chrome flooring underneath him. Jack stood there, staring at him from the mirror. Alex stared in horror until a sharp pain throbbed in his head. He touched the back of his head that he'd hit on the bathtub and was relieved to see he wasn't bleeding. When he looked back up at the mirror, he saw that there was nothing there.

Breathing deeply, he stood back up. Cautiously, he stepped out of the bathroom and went downstairs, looking around. There was too much going on in his head; he needed to go back to his dorm and think.

He found Desmond and leaned into his ear, trying to talk over the music. "I'm going now."

Desmond looked hurt, "aw man, why?"

"I'm not feeling right." Alex replied. He wasn't exactly lying, he didn't feel right at all. He felt ill and disturbed.

"I'll come with you, lemme just tell the others."

"No, stay."

"Make me." Desmond grinned and wandered off to find his friends. A few moments later, he returned, grabbing hold of Alex's arm and leading him out of the house.

When they were a few blocks away, Desmond finally spoke up after a heavy silence fell upon them. "So are you really going to tell me why you wanted to leave?"

Alex had been buzzing still, the alcohol in his system not fully gone. If anything, far from it. "I told you."

"But that was a lie." Desmond glanced at Alex, who put his hood up over his head. It secured him, knowing Desmond wouldn't be able to see his face fully with his hood up.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Alex mumbled.

"Try me." Desmond challenged, a smile on his face.

Alex didn't reply. He was tempted to spill everything. Tell Desmond everything he'd been thinking, what he'd seen, how he felt. He trusted Desmond more than anyone but something was stopping him for speaking. His mind had the words but his mouth wouldn't form them.

Desmond looked at him and then stopped walking. "We can go back to mine and talk about it. If you want to, that is."

"I gotta get back..." Alex shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down.

"Offer's open." Desmond shrugged.

Alex thought for a moment, deciding on what would be best. If he stayed at Desmond's, he wouldn't need to worry about facing Jack tonight. He didn't think he could handle the stress of it right now; he'd probably have a stroke or something. Besides, the alcohol hadn't worn off yet. God knows what he'd end up saying.

"Going back to yours doesn't sound like such a bad idea." Alex said, finally. Desmond smiled at him.

"Awesome."

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

Desmond's parents were out when they got to his. Alex saw a sticky note on the fridge that read  _'Out at Margret's. Love you xxx'._ Desmond shoved the sticky note in the bin and shrugged, opening the fridge and pulling out bottles of colourful liquid.

"I'm pretty good with mixing shit. You want anything?" He said casually, putting various colourful bottles on the kitchen counter.

"Uh...surprise me." Alex smirked. Desmond grinned, taking out a mixer from a cupboard and preparing both him and Alex a drink. Alex took a seat at the counter, sitting opposite Desmond.

The smell was so strong that Alex felt intoxicated before Desmond had even poured the bright blue liquid in the glasses. "One of the best ones I can make." Desmond smiled challengingly, pushing the glass towards Alex. "Dark Oasis."

Alex stared at Desmond as he took the first gulp. The liquid burned his throat and felt warm in his chest. He tried his hardest not to cough but in the end, he put the glass back on the counter and began coughing through the burning in his throat. Desmond, on the other hand, downed his drink and gave Alex a thumbs up, trying to hold back his laughter.

"Why do you do that to yourself?" Alex croaked.

Desmond shrugged, pouring himself another glass. "It's all about getting drunk."

Alex downed the rest of his, silently agreeing with Desmond. "Another round then, bartender."

Desmond poured some more of the deadly blue liquid into his glass and glanced up at Alex in the process. "So you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really but eh." Alex could feel himself warming up already. His mind was beginning to float. "I see shit."

"You mean like actual shit?" Desmond asked all too seriously. Alex glared at him the best he could.

"No, you dumbass." Alex pressed the glass to his lips and took a mouthful of his drink.

"So you don't see actual shit?" Desmond was obviously trying to hold back a smirk.

"I swear to God, Desmond." Alex threatened jokingly, smiling behind his glass. Desmond raised his hands as a peace sign.

"Sorry, continue. You see shit?" Desmond tried to look serious. His words were slurred and he took another large gulp of his drink.

"No, maybe I don't wanna continue." Alex smirked.

"Oh no, c'mon, I wanna know." Desmond almost begged, leaving his drink and walking, well if you could call it walking, over to where Alex was sitting on a stool. Desmond clumsily sat on the floor, looking up at Desmond with his dumb pouty face. "Please?"

"You're not taking me seriously." Alex crossed his arms.

"I am, I promise."

Desmond resembled a kid wanting story time, the way he cross his legs and eagerly waited for Alex to speak.

"You're like a kid." Alex laughed, rubbing his forehead. He was really gone now. So was Desmond by the looks of it.

"I'll have you know I am very mature for someone of my age." Desmond poked Alex's leg.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Prove it then." Alex challenged, waiting for Desmond to do something stupid. Instead, the other got up rather gracefully and stood a few centimeters from Alex.

"Do you really want me to?" Desmond asked lowly. Alex felt his face warm up a few fractions.

The atmosphere in the room had changed drastically. Desmond was so close to Alex, their bodies were almost touching and Alex could feel the heat of Desmond's body underneath all of those clothes. He grabbed at the front of Desmond's jacket, feeling the cotton run through his fingers.

Then, Desmond was leaning in, kissing Alex. Their lips pressed together gently before Desmond began to move his, guiding Alex's inexperienced lips along the way. Alex gripped at his jacket tighter, pulling Desmond closer to him. He needed that heat against him. He didn't know why but he felt that if he didn't, the whole world would crumble inwards onto him.

The kissing turned from gentle to needy and desperate, their breaths becoming harsher. Desmond slipped his tongue into Alex's mouth and moaned when Alex returned the gesture. It was a deep moan, straight from his chest and Alex found that needed more of it. He needed so much more.

A hand was in his hair suddenly, stroking and pulling and it was his turn to moan. Those lips on his were fierce and Alex was pretty sure if he wasn't sitting down, he would've fallen to the ground by now. His body was so needy in this hot haze that surrounded them. Alex knew that he was aware of what was going on but didn't really have the mindset to analyze it and realize that this was probably a bad idea. All he could figure out was that Desmond was a great kisser and Alex needed  _more._

They both pulled back for air, breathing heavily. They stared at each other under the dim lighting in the kitchen. Alex looked down at Desmond's lips and leaned in again, this time gently kissing him and keeping it gentle. He pulled Desmond as close as possible in their position, between his legs on the stool. Desmond's hands wandered up the front of Alex's shirt, beginning to unbutton it slowly.

"You're confident." Alex breathed when Desmond moved down to nibble on his jawline.

"When am I not?" Desmond smirked over the flesh.

"I don't know what this proves though."

"It proves I'm not a kid." Desmond brushed his hands over Alex's chest, looking impressed at the hidden muscle there. "Fuck." He breathed.

Alex pushed Desmond away and stood up, realizing just how shaky his legs were. Desmond looked confused until Alex grabbed his arm and yanked him in the direction of Desmond's bedroom. "Oh, now who's the confident one?" Desmond grinned.

"Shut up."

Yes, this probably was a bad idea but all Alex could think at that moment was that he was with a handsome guy, they both needed their bodies together and Alex was willing to sacrifice a bit of his time to help a handsome man in need. Even if that handsome man was his best friend. But those two things weren't clicking for some reason. His entire brain was raked on pleasure and nothing more. He was so drunk, he would probably make out with a cactus.

Alex stumbled up the stairs and Desmond started laughing, falling against the wall in a fit of hysteria. Alex rolled his eyes and pulled him further up the stairs.

They reached his bedroom and suddenly Alex didn't know what he was doing. What was going on? He didn't know. What was going to happen? He didn't know. All he knew was that Desmond was in front of him, lips on his and that body heat was tempting. Alex pushed the other onto the bed, climbing on top of him and straddling his hips.

Desmond raised his eyebrows and began to speak, "Are you sure-" But didn't have enough time to speak before Alex captured him in a kiss again, hands roaming over his jacket and under his shirt. Just as he was about to slip Desmond's jacket off, Desmond flipped them over.

"You're a controlling little shit when you're drunk." He breathed on Alex's neck, taking the piece of flesh between his teeth.

"Fucking hell." Alex murmured, his vocabulary a limited mess.

Desmond kissed over every part of Alex's chest, biting some places just to get a moan out of Alex. He must have realized that was Alex's thing. He was kissing down until his lips paused just above Alex's jeans. Alex felt the anticipation rising, waiting for something he knew wouldn't be a good idea, like this entire situation.

"What are yo-"

Desmond shushed him quietly, head perking up and turning to face the window. "Oh balls. My parents are home."

Alex sighed and covered his face with his hands. "Shit."

Desmond laid beside Alex, stretching. "Would you have wanted us to..."

"I don't even know, I am so drunk right now." Alex admitted, his voice muffled by his hands.

"Then it probably wasn't a good idea." Desmond laughed, running a hand through Alex's hair.

"Hey, this is literally just a drunk thing isn't it? You just make out with the closest person to you."

Desmond stilled his movements for a moment then continued them as normal. "Yeah, that's what this was." He chuckled lightly.

"Desmond!" His mom called from downstairs, "we're home!"

When Desmond didn't reply, there was muttering which meant they must have assumed he was asleep. Which wasn't really a problem, considering Alex was half asleep.

Alex patted the others face lazily. "You changed me and I love you for that."

Desmond said something but Alex didn't quite catch it, he asked for Desmond to repeat it but by then, Alex had fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> roosterblocked 
> 
> boom clap the sound of my originality


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update guys, it's been a tough couple of weeks. Happy new year and all that jazz!
> 
> I know that Altair isn't an Auditore in the game, but Ibn La'Ahad roughly translates to son of none, so idk, it's just not my modern AU headcanon. So he's an Auditore brother now ehehe

"Fuck." Alex groaned when he awoke.

"Good morning to you too." Desmond grumbled from beside him. Alex's mind was swimming in a pool of ink. Nothing made sense and he felt like he'd deep throated a tree trunk.

He double glanced at Desmond and then looked over to the clock, eyes widening in shock when his mind caught up with him.

"Shit, I'm going to be late for class." He shot out of bed, spinning around to find his shoes.

"Alex," Desmond murmured while sitting up slowly, squinting in the dimly lit room.

"Where the fuck are my shoes!?" Alex ran a hand through his hair, he couldn't afford to miss his chemistry lesson. He  _needed_ that grade.

"Alex," Desmond repeated, this time more loudly.

"What!?" Alex snapped and turned to him angrily.

Desmond smiled cockily, "It's Saturday."

"Oh." Alex put a hand on his head and fell back onto the bed, "oh thank fuck." He sighed in relief. He then paused, looking down at his open shirt. His mind was catching up with him yet he still failed to remember anything vital from last night. Only dancing, falling over, walking and passing out. His head hurt, both inside and out. He must have smacked it pretty hard on something.

"I need a shower." Alex muttered, rubbing his face.

"You can shower here." Desmond mumbled into his pillow. He was obviously suffering from a severe hangover. Alex would've laughed if he wasn't also suffering.

"I haven't got any clothes."

"Borrow some of mine, I don't mind." Desmond waved his hand towards his wardrobe, not even moving from his position. "We didn't do a panty raid last night, so feel free to look through mine."

"Just what I planned on Saturday morning; looking through my best friend's underwear drawer." Alex snorted, walking over to Desmond's wardrobe and deciding on a pair of clothes. He wasn't really bothered what he wore.

Desmond didn't move at all when Alex left the room. Alex pulled off the rest of his shirt and stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring at his reflection. It felt eerie. He stopped glancing over his features and focused on his neck and shoulders. His eyes traveled over the various teeth marks and dark spots covering his skin.  _Oh fuck me. Oh fuck no._

He breathed deeply, feeling that prickling anxiety push it's way through him. This was it; he and Desmond were done as friends. He had fucked everything up just because he got a little too drunk.

Well, he didn't know the full story. But he's pretty sure he's the one to blame.

Alex quickly showered, toweled his hair dry and shoved on a pair of dark jeans and a deep red shirt with a design on it that Alex didn't particularly recognize or care for at this moment in time. He shoved the towel in the laundry hamper and took a deep breath before leaving the bathroom.

Desmond hadn't even moved from his spot on the bed. Alex cleared his throat once he entered the room again.

"Did we...um..."

Desmond looked up from the pillow with a tired expression on his face. "No, we didn't fuck each others lights out. We just made out for a while until you passed out."

Alex nodded, feeling just slightly uncomfortable. He didn't know why but it was probably because he and Desmond were friends and nothing more and therefore, should not done anything that friends would not do. Because that would be wrong. Maybe. He didn't know, he'd never had friends.

"It was just a drunk thing." Desmond smiled tiredly, "that's what you do. You make out with the person closest to you."

Alex inwardly flinched at that. His heart was doing unusual things. He found that he felt...upset that it was 'just a drunk thing'.

_What?_

"Is this going to make things awkward between us?" Alex asked, hoping the answer would be a definite 'no'.

Desmond thought for a moment. He looked a bit taken back, probably because he's just woken up and Alex is asking all these questions.  _Shut up, you're pissing him off._

"No, don't worry about it." Desmond smiled at him. Alex released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. It didn't throw away that pang of anxiety embedded inside him but it eased his thoughts. "I'm starving." Desmond then groaned.

"Really?" Alex grimaced, feeling his insides flip at even the thought of food.

"Yeah," Desmond stood up and stretched, his creased shirt lifting and revealing his tanned flesh. "Wait for me to freshen my beautiful self up and we'll go the diner."

"Beautiful isn't a word I'd use." Alex smirked, sitting back down on the bed, "I used your toothbrush by the way."

"We shared enough saliva last night for me to not give a shit about that." Desmond replied, picking clothes out of his wardrobe.

Alex felt his face heat up at that and he faked a laugh, looking down to hide his face. Desmond didn't seem to notice as he threw, "out in a minute." over his shoulder and left the room, leaving Alex alone with his thoughts.

He hated being left alone with his thoughts.

Before, it was all he had. Now that he had people to distract him from the grim reminders and voices, he didn't  _want_ to be alone. His mind was picking at the worst of things, the fact that Desmond was acting off.

_It's just a hangover._ He thought.

_'Yeah, but what if it's something else?'_ A little voice said.

_Like what?_

_'He thinks you're a faggot. He's uncomfortable around you.'_

_Shut up._

' _Truth hurts, doesn't it?'_

"You okay?" Desmond's voice interrupted his thoughts and Alex jumped, looking up to see Desmond standing so close to him. So close that Alex could smell what shampoo he'd used.

"Yeah, just tired." Alex shrugged, shoving away the invasive thoughts for now. Not while he was with Desmond. Never while he was with Desmond.

Desmond didn't look too convinced. Alex rolled his eyes, "this is my first hangover, so I'm just feeling a little weird."

Desmond's face broke into a cocky smile, "aww, that's so cute."

"Shut up." Alex muttered, standing up.

"Come on, let's go." Desmond said, pulling Alex to the bedroom door.

**~X~X~X~**

 

 

Alex felt like he was going to puke. He was focusing his mind on everything else apart from the massive plate of food that had been placed in front of him. Bacon, sausages, eggs, fried toast, beans, mushrooms-

" _Fuck._ " Alex rubbed at his temple and then pushed the plate of food away. Desmond looked at him with something akin to amusement in his features.

"You gotta eat something." He said, shovelling a fork of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

Alex grimaced, "If I eat something, it means I'll have something to throw up."

"No, it means you'll have something to soak up all that alcohol still in your system." Desmond pointed his fork at Alex, "wow, for a science nerd, you're an idiot."

"You're not making this any easier." Alex muttered, soon taking a gulp of his coffee. The burning liquid didn't ease the headache at all, if anything, it made it worse. He groaned and dropped his head on the table, "Desmond, make this headache go away."

Desmond pushed the plate closer to Alex, "you don't want to upset Beatrice, do you?"

Alex lifted his head and looked down at the food then back up at Desmond's hopeful gaze. He glared and picked up his fork, poking at the fries on his plate. Desmond smiled and went back to eating his grease-drowned food.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex tried to sneak into his dorm room quietly but every movement he made, however tiny it was, seemed to make the loudest, dragged out noise. He felt like a husband sneaking in after a night of gambling.

He looked around nervously before stepping into the dim room, quietly shutting the door behind him. He shouldn't be nervous but he was. Alex was his own person, he could do what he wanted. But then again, Jack _was_ just looking out for him.

"Hope you had fun." Jack's voice called out from underneath his duvet.

Alex froze for a moment, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't result in an argument. There was bound to be some sort of disagreement, considering Alex completely ignored Jack's advice.

Jack was right, in a way. Alex didn't know these people. He hadn't known Desmond for long, so this could all just be a massive prank. It was something Altair would love to plan. But for some reason, Alex couldn't find it in him to accuse Desmond of being one of _those_ people who Alex had tried to avoid for most of his life - liars, bullies, general assholes (even though Alex was a general asshole anyway).

Desmond was...interesting. Handsome, to say the least. Alex remembered bits and pieces from last night and his hands tingled at the thought of running his hands over Desmond's chest, the dips and curves that felt so _right._

"Yeah...not that you don't know, seeing as you were there." Alex replied casually and shrugged off the thoughts of Desmond. He, instead, decided to look for something to ease the throbbing in his head.

"I only came by to see how you were doing." Jack sat up, his dark hair flopping in front of his face. "Seems like you and Desmond are really close."

Alex paused his movements of rummaging through his bedside drawer for painkillers. "Yeah...and?"

"And those aren't your clothes." There was a slight mocking to Jack's tone now and Alex felt his own defenses go up.

"I stayed over at his." Alex shrugged, beginning to rummage again.

"You like him, don't you?"

"No."

"You do." Jack laughed mockingly, "you're pathetic."

"Shut up."

Alex was now facing Jack, forgetting about the painkillers. What the hell was Jack's problem? Maybe Alex _did_ like Desmond, just a little bit. But no way would he admit it.

"First you lean on me for years with your shitty problems and as soon as I'm gone, you find some other chump to cry on."

Alex bit his tongue, trying his hardest not to say something he'd regret. Or beat the shit out of this asshole.

"You know he's going to leave you, right?" Jack smirked, "the moment he finds out you fancy the socks off of him, he'll leave you."

"He wouldn't do that. You don't know him, so shut the fuck up."

"Oh, you're the big guy now?" Jack gasped sarcastically, "wow, scary."

"You know what?" Alex felt his entire body tense up, "fuck you." He jabbed a finger in Jack's direction. "Fuck you because Desmond actually cares about me. You? You're just here for the ride; you don't give a shit about how I feel. Where the fuck were you when I needed you the most, Jack? You weren't here."

Jack was staring at him, dangerously silent. There was no emotion on his face; it was just a stone wall. Alex felt uneasy all of a sudden but refused to let it show on his face.

"Now we see your ugly side." Jack smiled.

Alex sneered at him, fighting the urge to lash out. "Oh fuck off with your jealousy."

Suddenly Jack was in front of him, invading Alex's personal space. Alex jumped at the unexpected sight of Jack's face mere centimeters from his, those dark eyes glaring into his own.

"Jealousy?" Jack spat, "you think I'm _jealous?_ I'm trying to _help you_!"

Alex sighed impatiently and shook his head. He pushed past the other, heading for the door. This wasn't how they were meant to be. They weren't supposed to fight but Alex wasn't going to choose.

Desmond had most definitely changed him for the better.

"I can hurt you." Jack said quietly. "I can hurt you in more ways than you think."

A shiver went down Alex's spine and he knew Jack saw it. He glanced at the other, seeing something dark flash in his eyes. At that moment, he needed to get out. He felt like he was suffocating.

Alex had had panic attacks before and he knew exactly when one was going to strike him. ' _What the fuck is going on?'_ He ran down the stairs to the courtyard outside of the dorms. Once outside, he inhaled sharply and clutched a hand over his chest, feeling his heart hammering on the inside. All he needed to do was just _calm the fuck down_.

' _You're fine, you're fine, you're fine, just breathe._ '

He slowly began to calm down and silently thanked the lord that nobody was around to see him in such a state. His hand brushed against the brick wall and he allowed himself to recognise the roughness of it, to just stand there and _feel_ something. He focused on the pattern of the bricks and soon, his breathing had slowed.

His mom had taught him that technique when he'd first experienced a panic attack. Just focus on something; tell yourself you're fine and focus on one thing. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't. Like most things.

It took him a moment to realize how much he actually missed his mom. How little he'd seen of her since he started college.

This was weird because he was actually _feeling_ and that was something he always tried to avoid doing. Feelings seemed to do nothing except fuck him up. He felt like he needed to see Dana and tell her about everything. About the weird things happening with Jack, about how he felt towards Desmond, about his mom.

He ran a hand through his hair, knocking his hood down. Could he really trust Dana? She _was_ his sister; that was both good and bad. He'd never spoken to anybody about his stupid _feelings_ , apart from Jack. Dana had never been an option; she'd always turn the other way or laugh at him. It was a thing he'd gotten used to over the years and had become accustomed to having nobody there. He'd always sort of relied on himself to get through everything.

That's probably why he's so fucked now.

He started walking through the courtyard, hoping Dana was in the girl's dorms so he could get all of this shit off his chest. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice the person in front of him and knocked straight into them.

His stomach dropped when he looked up.

"Watch where you're going." Altair snapped and glared at him.

Alex had never been this close to Altair. Never in his entire life had he ever thought about getting this close to an Auditore. He could smell Altair's aftershave and that was enough to make him step back a few paces before muttering out an apology, hoping he would just be able to leave before Ezio turned up. Auditores always travelled in packs.

Just as he began to move away, a hand grasped at his jacket and yanked him back into his previous space. "Wait, I know you." Altair narrowed his eyes, "you're that fucking Alex kid."

"I don't want any trouble." Alex said, putting his hands up as a sign of peace.

"Really?" Altair nodded, "then why are you outside the dorms? You seeing a certain lady?"

It took all the strength in the world for Alex to not snap. He'd had the goddamn morning from hell and this dick was not making it any easier for him. He just wanted a fucking break.

"Brother, what is the hold up?" A thick Italian accent proved that, in fact, when there is one Auditore, there is always another. "You said you would give in your assignment and we would leave."

"This little shit is here to see Maria." Altair sneered and gestured towards Alex. Ezio looked Alex up and down as if he'd never seen him before. There was a certain interest on his face that got Alex more than a little bit worried.

"I'm very sure he has his reasons." Ezio replied, not taking his eyes off of Alex for a second.

"I'm here to see my sister." Alex said, shooting a small glare in Altair's direction. If looks could kill, Altair's would've shot him down at that point.

Ezio nodded and then placed his hand on Altair's shoulder. "Come, let's go. He is no trouble."

Alex felt relief wash over him and watched as Altair was practically dragged away by Ezio. He began to walk away until Ezio spoke again.

"It is strange, is it not?"

Alex slowly turned back to Ezio, who was now facing him full on. "What…?"

"Mio cugino, Desmond, has a shirt just like the one you are you are wearing." Ezio said slowly. His stare felt like it was literally weighing Alex down. Ezio's stare dropped down to his feet as he kicked a few stones onto the grass beside the path. "It is strange because…" He looked back up at Alex, "I had that shirt specially made for him. Personally."

 _Oh fuck._ "That's...interesting." Alex managed to say.

A smirk stretched across Ezio's face and Altair narrowed his eyes. Alex looked between the two, feeling suffocated. "So, you're the mystery man?" Ezio asked.

Alex paused. "What?"

"Don't play stupid and certainly, don't play my cousin." Ezio warned with a glare, his laid back attitude disappearing immediately.

"What?" Altair looked extremely confused as he glanced back and forth between Ezio and Alex.

 _What the fuck?_ Alex swallowed hard and found himself at loss for words. "I...I should…" And he ran off like a deer after it'd been caught in headlights. He did _not_ want to have a conversation about his night at Desmond's with the Auditore brothers. What did Ezio even _mean_?

 _Goddamn_ , _this whole thing is a mess._

He sneaked into the girl's dormitories and quietly knocked on Dana's door, silently praying she was in.

There was no answer and Alex tried calling her but it went to voicemail. He cursed under his breath and leaned against Dana's door. How did it get to this? He was actually considering talking to Dana about his problems.

His problems weren't even _that bad._ He just needed to do what he usually did and hide away from the world for a few days, maybe skip a few lessons in the process. Winter break was coming soon so professors were giving out useless pieces of work that didn't matter at all to the students' grades, it was just meant to keep them occupied for an hour.

Ezio's words were niggling in the back of his head. _Don't play my cousin._ Alex wasn't going to _play_ Desmond at all; they weren't even...together. Yeah, it looked dodgy, Alex wearing Desmond's clothes after a night out, but that doesn't mean…

They _could have_ but they _didn't._ Because they weren't…

Did he actually want them to…?

Alex sighed and rubbed at his temple. His head hurt from thinking too much and he was cold and tired and he felt so sick. Finally, he decided to head back to his dorm and face Jack's chilling glare again. At this point on, he was too tired to give a shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time since I updated, sorry ;-; I went on a small break where I did nothing except complete all of my college work and stuff. I've just been really busy because of my FMP and dance assignments etc. but I'm back into writing now so hopefully I'll get this trainwreck finished!


	8. Chapter 8

He walked with his head down; the last thing he needed was to be caught in the girl's dormitories. His head was a mess of thoughts and feelings and he tried to stop thinking but nothing was making sense. The world seemed to have dim edges to it.

"Alex?" Someone said from behind him. He froze, trying to make out if he'd even heard a voice. When a hand was placed on his shoulder, he knew he'd heard correctly. He knew it was Maria before he even turned to look at her; only she would invade his personal space without asking first. "Are you okay?" She asked with a frown.

"I need to go." Alex refused to meet her eyes, knowing full well Altair would skin him alive if Alex breathed in her direction. It was ridiculous considering both him and Maria lived on the same campus; it was likely they would bump into each other at  _some_ point.

Maria spoke quickly before Alex could walk away. "You can talk to me." Then added, more slowly this time, "if you ever need anybody to talk to."

The thought of talking about his crush to Maria didn't sound appealing in the slightest. "Thanks, but...you know." He shrugged.

Maria rolled her eyes, "I'm my own person. That brute has no control over who I speak to."

"Still, he wouldn't hold back on slamming my head into the ground."

"He wouldn't dare if I told him not to." Maria smiled, "come on, let's talk." She urged Alex towards her dorm room. Alex followed hesitantly, really hoping he wasn't making a huge mistake. He hardly knew Maria, for all he knew, this could be some kind of trap. A little voice in his head asked why it would be a trap and Alex found that he couldn't answer.

Maria unlocked her door and gestured for Alex to enter first. He paused and glanced between her and the door, "I don't think this is a good idea…"

Maria just sighed and grabbed Alex's arm, dragging him into her room. Once inside, Alex glanced around briefly, seeing that her room wasn't as he'd expect it to be. Everything was so...messy. Books were piled on top of each other and shoved into a corner of the room, clothes were scattered  _everywhere_  - there was a  _bra_ on the  _ceiling fan_. Alex expected pink, fluffy things and neatly folded clothes, not crumpled grey bed covers and an erupted wardrobe.

"Sorry about the mess. It's not usually this bad." Maria said, throwing things off of her bed and then sitting down. She patted the space next to her and Alex seriously had second thoughts about this.

"I…"

"Sit." Maria demanded and patted the spot again. Alex hesitantly sat next to her, looking everywhere except at her. "And put that hood down." She smiled, pushing his hood back.

At that point in time, Alex felt his entire being tense up. He was out of his comfort zone and far too close to another person. Maria was staring at him and it suddenly occurred to him that she had never seen him with his hood down.

"I imagined you would be blonde." She admitted.

"Okay…" Alex shifted slightly in his seat. No matter how much he moved, he still wouldn't be comfortable. Maria was staring at him expectantly and that unnerved him the most.

"You're such a quiet person. Why is that?" She asked curiously. It took Alex off guard and he became a speechless mess.

"I...Uh, I...don't really know." He stuttered, "I've just...I…"

Maria placed a hand on his shoulder, "just relax. I don't want to stress you out, I just want to help. You look like you haven't slept properly."

Alex paused, "ah...I had a late night."

"Preston's party?"

"Who?"

"You know, that house party he had last night."

"Oh. Preston. Yeah." Alex nodded slowly and glanced around the room again. Maria's hand on his shoulder was oddly soothing; it was so warm.  _Is that a 'wet floor' sign under her desk?_

"I went to visit my father and I saw you leave Desmond's this morning, too."

Alex unintentionally snapped his head in Maria's direction and her hand slipped off his shoulder. She knew something. Alex had literally just given everything away; if only he'd paying attention to his body language. "I stayed at his." Alex said quietly.

"You look at him like he's perfect." Maria said with a small smile on her face. Her tone wasn't mocking in any way even though Alex was definitely expecting judgement. Her smile was genuine and her eyes were soft. Did she always look at him like this? He'd always been too busy to notice.

Alex found himself torn between telling Maria everything or getting up and leaving. "Because, to me, he's..." Alex trailed off absentmindedly, looking down immediately afterwards.

There were a few moments of silence before the hand returned to his shoulder and he looked up, facing a sad smile on Maria's pale face. "Listen to me, if he's perfect to you, then you tell him. Don't let him slip through your fingers."

"But what if-"

"There are no 'what if's in this world, Alex." Maria interjected firmly. Alex looked into her eyes for a moment longer. He let all of his defenses shut down; it was official that Maria was, in fact, no longer a threat. She never had been to begin with. She was always just trying to be nice and he always stopped her from doing so.

_God_ , he was such an asshole.

The moment passed and suddenly it had become awkward. Alex had just been staring at Maria, thinking things through. He glanced away from her and cleared his throat, "I should probably go…"

"Sure." Maria smiled, letting the hand drop from Alex's shoulder. She stood up and started kicking things out of the way to make a clear trail to the door. "But you know, I'm always here if you need me."

"Thanks." Alex gave her a small, quick smile.

"Literally, I mean it. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you. I'm not really...uh, good at this sort of stuff but I guess, I'm here...for you too?" Alex said unsurely. He needed to work on his wording. So, so badly.

Maira beamed with a smile and pulled Alex into an embrace. He immediately tensed up but when Maria rubbed a soothing hand on his back, he relaxed and returned the gesture. Hugs were never his thing but Maria deserved  _some_ sort of kindness from him.

**~x~x~x~x~**

 

 

Alex shivered when he walked through the door. His room was so warm compared to the outside world and he soon found himself lying on his bed and drifting into a light sleep. The talk with Maria had lightened his mood miraculously.

"What did you wanna talk to Dana about?" Came a voice from beside him. He jumped and sat upright, facing Jack's stupid smirk.

"When did you-"

"I was peeing."

Alex grimaced, "nice."

"So?" Jack asked, waving his hand, telling Alex to continue. The atmosphere was so different than it was 20 minutes ago. It was as if the entire argument had been forgotten. Alex was still pissed at Jack, obviously. He wasn't going to be a pawn for some sick game.

Jack clicked his fingers in front of Alex's face, "talk to me."

"You don't want to hear about it." Alex replied quietly, lying back down.

"C'mon." Jack scoffed, "I'm your best friend; you can tell me anything."

"It's about Desmond."

" _Right._ " Jack inhaled sharply. "Are you going to admit that you want his dick?"

"No. Because I don't. But I think he...might feel the same." Alex said thoughtfully.

There was a pause before Jack spoke, "How do you know?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious. Maybe Alex could actually talk to Jack. Maybe Jack had just been stressed because of his mom. Maybe...

"His cousins told me."

Jack blinked, "his cousins? As in, Ezio and Altair Auditore? The troublesome two? The dramatic duo?"

"Not in so many words but...Yeah."

"The ones who despise you."

Alex pursed his lips, "yeah…"

"They're fucking with you, how can you not seen that?" Jack deadpanned, propping his feet up on Alex's desk chair.

_There it is._ Alex thought.

"But it makes sense," Alex stood up, deep in thought. "The way he's been acting after that night, the things he's been saying-"

Jack stood up and grabbed Alex's shoulders, looking him dead in the eyes. "You need to stop." He said warningly low, "Desmond doesn't want you.  _Nobody_ wants you. You're a fucked up kid, Alex, why can't you see that?"

Alex felt confusion wash over him. Jack hadn't really ever been that blunt with him. He knew his hurt was showing all over his face; he didn't have the self control to hide it so he looked away, avoiding eye contact with Jack. "You're wrong." Was all he could manage. His throat was so tight.

"Look at the facts; you have no friends, your dad left you when you were three, your mom shoved you into a college and never even calls you, your own sister hides away from you and Desmond couldn't even tell you that,  _apparently_ , he fancies you. What does that say, Alex?" Jack scoffed.

When Alex didn't reply, Jack put a hand on either side of Alex's face and forced Alex to look at him. "You're gonna make yourself ill thinking up all these crazyass theories. Just trust me for once."

Alex thought for a long moment. He could feel himself spiralling down into that dark abyss that he'd locked away for weeks. He stared into Jack's auburn eyes and took a deep breath. "I trust you, but you have to trust me too."

Jack narrowed his eyes immediately, "I  _do_ trust you. I just don't trust your decisions."

In reply, Alex just nodded and sighed in defeat. The facts were staring him straight in the face; Ezio only said that to get at Alex, and he'd won that round for sure. If he told Desmond how he felt, it would more than likely ruin everything. Alex didn't even know how he felt, so what was the point in ruining the friendship on the slight chance of him having feelings for Desmond? Besides, Desmond would never want to be anything other than friends. Jack was proved right, once again.

Everything Maira had said was hesitantly thrown to the side.

' _You deserve to be happy._ '

Jack gently patted Alex on the back and sniffed, "we'll go back to how it used to be. Just us."

Alex gave him the best smile he could muster. Smiling was a thing he hardly ever did at the best of times so it almost physically pained him to do it now. His phone began ringing and he patted his pockets before taking it out and reading the caller ID. It was Dana, so he answered without a second thought.

"Dana?"

"Hi, sorry I didn't answer before. I was with mom." She said, the last part clipped. "What's wrong?"

"I just…" Alex stopped himself, glancing over at Jack's hollow expression. "I wanted to say sorry."

"Oh." Dana sounded surprised, "well...I'm sorry too, I guess. We're both equally as shitty as each other."

Alex let out a small laugh, "yeah."

"Are you sure everything's okay?" Dana asked after a moment's pause.

Alex was so tempted to say no but he knew Dana wouldn't want to listen to him crying about his problems.

' _Everyone's got problems, Alex. Learn to deal with them.'_

"Yeah. Listen, I have to go." He said finally.

"Well okay, but we have to talk-"

"Yeah, okay, bye." Alex said quickly and hung up. If he stayed on the line any longer, he would've broken down. It was so great to hear her voice after so long. It was his fault they stopped talking to begin with.

_Why am I so weak?_

"All she does is stick her nose in." Jack sighed, "just because she's family doesn't mean you have to put up with her shit."

Alex stared down at his phone, not really listening to anything Jack was saying. Did anybody  _actually_ care? He slowly felt himself slipping into the dark side of his mind. The mindset he felt as a child when his dad came back into his life at the age of nine but then left again, and Alex never saw him after that.

He'd come back and spent three days with just Alex, doing father and son things. Then one night, just before Alex went to bed, his dad told him that the loved him.

In the morning, he was gone. Alex's mom was sitting in front of the living room window, still in the her pyjamas, just staring out into the street. She was too damaged to care about Alex. She didn't notice him, so he acted out and became rebellious for attention. Then his mom hit him and didn't stop until he escaped to college. It was like a black void had ruptured in his chest, that nothing mattered anymore and everything he did was pointless. Nobody cared, so why should he? That was his mindset. He became a robot; refused to feel and he refused to care.

It was a dangerous thing to feel because he felt hopeless and numb. He doubted everything and everyone, so he cut himself off from the few friends he'd had. And he here was, a fucked up individual doubting his thoughts and friends yet again. His life was a fucking joke.

"Are you even listening to me?" Jack yelled from across the room.

Alex blinked himself out of thought and found himself standing in the middle of the room, staring down at his phone still. "Not really." He replied honestly.

"Typical." Jack snorted, stomping his foot into his shoe and bending down to tie his laces.

"Are you leaving?" Alex asked, feeling slightly disorientated from thinking too much. He felt like he was in a fish bowl; the world foreign and muffled to him for a few moments.

"I just told you I have a date." Jack sighed, putting his stupid leather jacket on. Alex insisted that it made Jack look like someone from a unsuccessful punk band, with it's bright red collar and swirled embroidment on the back. But when did Jack ever listen to him?

"At this time?" Alex looked down at his phone again, glancing at the time quizzically. When had it become evening? How long had he been staring at his phone?

"Yes, now be a good boy and don't bring down my mood with that face."

Alex hadn't been aware that Jack had moved and was now patting his face with an almost sardonic smile. With a small, perhaps fake, smile, Alex smacked Jack's hand away and gave him a wave as the other left.

 


End file.
